Speak up!

Heather Dowling

Intolerance affects us all at some point in our lives—some more than others. So what do we do when someone else is being intolerant? Should we speak up or let it slide? Meghan Plowman, a young Christian from Perth, found herself speaking up on the rights of women because the issue hit a nerve.

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“I was sitting with a group of friends who were all married couples and were quite fundamental in their beliefs. They were saying that women should be kept doing all the housework,” she said.

“It rubbed me the wrong way because it was so old-fashioned and I couldn’t help but say something… so I questioned them why they felt that way. I just felt that these days, equality of women has been fought for and things should be even.”

“I was just thinking, ‘how could I possibly be the odd one out here?’ I found that I couldn’t NOT speak up. It was a case of being shocked that I was with a group of young Christians that had that view.”

We’ve all been in this kind of situation, but not all of us have the courage to say how we really feel.

It can be daunting speaking up, especially when you’re the odd one out, as Meghan was.

“They were all on the one side so I felt a bit alone in the conversation,” she continued. “They listened, but they were all looking at me like they were thinking that I was the one who was left out.”

Speaking up in this kind of situation doesn’t come without its consequences and Meghan believes that there are consequences for both speaking up and keeping quiet.

By speaking up, “you could do a bit of damage to relationships,” she said. “There are lots of risks having arguments about your beliefs. Then again, when people have an argument they always go back to thinking about it as well.”

If she had not spoken up, Meghan felt, “The people might have thought that I agreed with them and it would have affected their opinion of me. If I hadn’t spoken up they would have put me in the same category as them.”

There also would have been no challenge of thought going on. “[speaking up] encourages thinking and opens people up to new ways of thinking. Otherwise they can keep going on being set in their ways.”

Tiffany Rochester, a psychologist with experience in conflict resolution, agrees. “It’s very important to speak up because when people aren’t challenged we’re implying that their behaviour is ok,” she said. “We are agreeing by being complacent.”

The best way to make your point, Tiffany says, is to not start a fight. That way you have a clear head and are able to provide a logical argument of your opinion.

“The more you can keep your defences down the more they’ll hear you,” she said. “Don’t make it an argument, but tell them that you have a different viewpoint.”

Christianity promotes tolerance, and speaking up on an issue can be the first step to changing attitudes.

Of course there may be times when you just shouldn’t speak up at all. If the situation could become aggressive, it’s probably better to keep quiet.

Tiffany mentioned that just standing beside a stranger who is on the receiving end of verbal intolerance could be a passive approach to show your support to that person without putting yourself in danger — but it is important to be vigilant. “The most important thing is to asses your own safety,” she advises.

You also need to pick your battles. Some people are so adamant in their opinions that no argument can sway them.

“There are some people where speaking up is not going to get you anywhere. You’ve got to pick whether it’s an argument you can have — whether you can change their minds,” Tiffany says.

To keep an argument from getting heated, try to remember that your opinion is just that too — it’s an opinion.

As Voltaire said, “Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too.”

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